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If you catch yourself being restless, constantly wanting to change direction or actually doing so, you might find yourself more lost, anxious, and perhaps even ‘lonely’ in your own world.
If you are anything like me, you are perceived as a worldly person among your friends, quite the adventurer, you are admired for your bravery to undertake and go places, and mingle and put yourself in the forefront where others would not.
Your environment is inspired by your cultural wisdom, your ability to solve problems; you’re assertiveness and/or your entrepreneurial spirit.
So why is it that you feel un-accomplished, unfulfilled?
Here are some of the thoughts you might relate to because I have had them many times:
- How come no one wants to hire me if all people I meet really think I’m smart?
- Why everybody looks up to me, but still wouldn’t want to involve me in their activities?
- I am amicable, supportive and always helping others, yet, why I always stand alone when I need support?
- How come I never get invited to a girls/boys night out if everybody seems to enjoy my company when I’m around?
Here’s a thought for you: have you ever stopped to think that maybe your openness, your wisdom, your spirit might not work in your favor in the world we live in today? Although people appreciate you as a person, they might not be so appreciative of your energy, your freedom, your intrinsic happiness.
As much as we want to channel change everywhere we go, the world around us is not receptive to such change. Does that cause you to feel lost and alone?
It sure does, but that’s not because you are not a good person. It’s the other way around. You are a great person! You’re environment simply does not know how to cope with your energy.
5 ways to help you cope
I’ve struggled with these thoughts for so many years, sometimes I still am, but I have found a great mechanism to cope with it; because, unfortunately I can’t shut myself off from the rest of the world, and people around me and instead of feeling alone I found a few tactics that are actually working really well, so far.
What that means is: be your own problem solver. You learn by trial and error, and eventually, you’ll get it right. In building your resilience you’ll develop all sorts of other skills such as being creative, innovative and solution driven. You’ll find yourself relying less on other people and won’t feel rejected when you ask for help and get no response in return. You won’t be disappointed because you will always have a plan B.
Surround yourself with people that have a practical contribution to whatever relationship you develop with them. You’ll have the sense of equality in the relationship because you only put it, from both sides, what is necessary, not expected. When people are around it’s cool when they are not, it’s cool too. You build relationships with no expectations and no obligations.
You travel some more
Find ways to connect on a short-term with people and have great conversations and learnings and leave it at that. Travelling around and staying at hostel, Bed& Breakfast or an Airbnb, for example, gives you just the right amount of contact to not get emotionally involved with your surroundings. Travel to meet new people, see new places and experience new things. This will give you a sense of belonging in the moment and you’ll forget your ‘loneliness’ for quite a bit of time.
Work for yourself
If you build resilience you’ll also discover that you have the ability to live on minimal. You don’t need much so quit the nasty job, quit what makes you feel like crap every day and go find what you’re good at and give your entrepreneurs talent a try. Work as a freelancer or start your own little business. Sure, we’ll probably make less in the beginning, but wouldn’t you rather have that than to leave in a place every day where you feel that the environment really doesn’t want you there?
Stay active and channel your energy towards yourself
Staying active, as in take up some physical activity as part of your daily routine. You’ll feel great physically and emotionally as you’ll channel that energy on to you and what better way to feel accomplished if you look in the mirror and seeing that little extra belly pouch becomes smaller or tighter?! You’ll find yourself focused and clear-headed to take on what every new adventure you want to wander in to.
So if you are applying these five practical tools to cope with feeling ‘lost and alone’ and you are getting really good at it too, you’ll be ready to deep dive into the next layer of your inner- self to find out why it is that you felt ‘lost and alone’ in the first place.
First things first
Don’t get frustrated because you ‘feel different’, accept the fact that you are. If you’re having any of the thought described in the first paragraph, it is only a confirmation that you are different. Don’t change it and don’t go against it; embrace it. Embrace the fact that you are different from your surroundings.
Develop and apply your coping mechanism so you don’t feel lost, alone, and frustrated. Once you’re coping well, you can observe and analyze what it is that makes you different than your surroundings. You’ll understand why people react, respond, the way they do towards you. Once you have observed, you press the stop and repeat button on your coping process.